i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
