The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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