Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
there is glitter all over my balls
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
