Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
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