Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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