That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
