How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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