During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
