i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize