we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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