I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
