I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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