It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
