A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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