i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
