Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize