he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
