Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize