That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
