We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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