Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize