brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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