Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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