I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
