bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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