Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
