she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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