I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
