i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize