PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
