4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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