Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
