Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize