I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
