Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
