On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
