Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize