It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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