I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
