i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
