True but thats because hes a fetus.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
