...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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