Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
