Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This house was built for laser tag.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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