what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
