She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dignity is for republicans.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
