I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
