today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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