I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
