I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize