btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
