Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
