His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
