Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
