What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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