i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
