the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
