That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
