are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
