Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
