Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
