Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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