How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
