Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
