Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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