Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
