we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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