wrigley field is MILF paradise
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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