if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i was born a porn star she said
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
