Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize