I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
