you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
