we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
