well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
