Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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