My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
