Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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