remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
