nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
