Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
