swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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