Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
