i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
