I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
