If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
