He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
