I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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