I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
