look no pants
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
