so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
