Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
