i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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