A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
