She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
