she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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