i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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