id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
