He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Can you bring me the toilet please
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize