4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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