Grow some girl-balls and come out already
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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