the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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