I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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