found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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