Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
