eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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