I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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