I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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