sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
